five.

once upon a time,
I was a good person.

clutched a controller
and found out
that I was playing the villain all along.

I wish I could redeem myself,
but a bad guy will always be a bad guy.

especially in your eyes.

do your words have a meaning?
they're the same,
but to me, they're so different.

can't smile,
can't laugh.

I'm not myself
don't you see?
I can't be myself
if I don't know who I am.

seeds of doubt
and
so many
questions.

"was that too mean? was that too critical? am I being a bitch? I'm being a bitch. apologise. oh, they say it's okay. they're just saying that to make you feel better. see how nice they are in comparison to you? why can't you be nice for once?"

"what should you say that won't be mean? that won't be taken in the wrong way? was it a joke? or was it serious? are you really being too boastful? too cocky? are you really a slut? are you really a show-off? are you really that manipulative? are you really an attention seeker? do you really fake everything for attention? do you really play with people's feelings? do you really use people to your advantage? do you really make people look bad on purpose?"

"stop being mean. stop being critical. stop being boastful. stop being cocky. stop acting like a slut. stop showing off. stop manipulating people. stop fishing for attention. stop acting like you're depressed, no one's falling for it. stop playing with people's feelings. stop using people to your advantage. stop making people look bad on purpose."

"are you really a bad person?"
"stop being a bad person."